im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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