My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
