I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
