she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize