Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
