is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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