SEEEEXXX PLEASE
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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