i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she looked like the before picture.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
