no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
