I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We need to get me chipped asap
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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