Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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