you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
