Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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