they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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