Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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