I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
