Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
