So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
