i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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