OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
