omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
