I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
