onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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