I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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