Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
