I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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