if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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