Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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