Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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