Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
