3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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