I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
