I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
