after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
