it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
