I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
