I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
