well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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