my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
