Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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