somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
