i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
