no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
