I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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