I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
