Your face is a jimmy john
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
