ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
