there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize