That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have already put on my inside pants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
