my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
