my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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