the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
