Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
