I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
