what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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