we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
