she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
