i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
