I feel great
I just peed on a car
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
