fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
