I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
