So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
