I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blood and glitter go together right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
