If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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