Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dick very happy bro
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
