I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
two words...techno handjob
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
