look no pants
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You're like the curious george of whores
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
