I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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