I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
