Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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