I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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