Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
