What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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