did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
