I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
