What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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