Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
