onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
