You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
