Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
