After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
