Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
